Seriously, I have no idea what is wrong with me.

Perhaps, I am tired, I ran out of energy to continue on this journey.
Everyday repeating the same few task...
Mundane yet compulsory.

What I know from the past 20 plus years of experience is that, guess it's better for me to be alone.

The yearning of wanting to love is ever present yet, my rational self is telling me, i won't manage it and instead, i will be causing pain and misery to the one who love me. I want to love, yet I don't want to hurt whoever is going to be my important one.

Walking all around, looking at my friends who are happily in romance, I told myself, perhaps it's time to give love another chance, perhaps it's time i find love...

But something still holds me back, perhaps a combinations of stuff...
Some day, i wish, i can lose my memories. Yes, I know I'm a coward, I run away from my problems. I do. I don't deny it.

Or perhaps, end my life ?

Time to go for a long walk. I need to unwind myself.
Emotions are somehow becoming the bane of my life.
I'm turning apathetic...

It's alright not to smile, as long as I am not hurting anyone.
As long as I'm not missed, I will just fade away, becoming a piece of memory.
For, if this is what life is meant to be, then i have walk it thru over and over.
Perhaps, time to leave this world ?

And the Orange Letter came.
Love is a luxury which I can never afford,
As I'm just a pauper in this world full of Love.